The 2024 Election Results: Understanding Our Grief and Finding a Way Forward
Listen to the recording or keep scrolling to read the article.I struggle with anxiety. On a normal day, I take anxiety medication to keep my mind balanced. That’s on a normal day, when life is consistent and there aren’t monumental changes happening in the world; when I’m not sitting two hours in a dentist chair with a drill burning through my teeth.
The week before, I had chipped my tooth, right around a filling, and found out I needed a crown. I’ve gotten crowns before, and it never gets easier. Dentists make me anxious. This time, my dentist offered me anxiety medicine for the procedure. The fact that she offered it goes to show just how anxious I become at the Dentist’s office.
I said “yes!” and for $9.99 at my local pharmacy, I took some medication that made me both drowsy and very chill.
It just so happens that my appointment for the crown was yesterday—election day! The fact that I was on extra-strength anxiety meds the day of the election seemed to be the kind of coincidence I often ascribe to God’s provision.
It helped.
But then it wore off, and here we are—it’s 4am, I’m wide awake…. to an election that seems all too clear.
Google search screenshot at 3:58am, Nov. 6th, 2024
If you know me, you know how I feel about the election results.
Maybe you feel the same way: discouraged, anxious, or even afraid.
As I think about those who identify as LGBTQ+, New Americans, African Americans, women, progressives—and pretty much anyone who isn’t sympathetic to male-centric, white nationalism—I can’t help but feel my heart break.
Has all the progress we made for nothing?
We could have had our first female president!
Hate will become our national motto!
It feels more and more like our country has a toxic relationship with an abusive partner.
What the f*&k is going on!?
In moments like these, I want to yell, get angry, refuse to accept it, give into despair, and argue my way to a better world—and pretty much every other stage of grief.
In some ways, maybe that’s what we need—the stages of grief. If you’re on social media or read the news, you’ll see all of these stages play out if significant ways.
Stages of Grief
1. Denial: In moments of shock or disbelief, it's natural to feel like the results aren't real or that they won’t have a lasting impact. Give yourself space to sit with this initial reaction, and let your mind adjust to what has happened. You might feel numb or struggle to accept the reality of the situation, but acknowledging the impact is the first step. Talking to friends or journaling about your thoughts can help ground you.
2. Anger: As reality sinks in, you may feel angry or frustrated. These emotions are valid and can be channeled constructively. Rather than letting anger consume you, consider using it as motivation to seek change. Engage in healthy expressions of anger, such as speaking with friends, joining advocacy groups, or focusing on causes that align with your values. Expressing anger mindfully can prevent it from building up inside and clouding your perspective.
3. Bargaining: When anger fades, it’s common to start bargaining, hoping for a different outcome or thinking, "Maybe if I do this, things will change." Recognize that while this is a natural response, it’s not a solution. Instead, use this stage to clarify your values and focus on what you can control. Focusing on small, meaningful actions that align with your principles can bring a sense of agency, helping to center you amid uncertainty.
4. Depression: Many experience deep sadness when they realize the outcome is unchangeable. In this stage, prioritize mental health. Talk to a counselor, reach out to friends, or practice creative outlets like art or music to process your feelings. Practicing mindfulness can be a powerful tool in managing stress and anxiety. Simple techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and grounding exercises can help you stay present and reduce feelings of panic. Remember, the goal isn’t to suppress or dismiss your emotions but to allow yourself to process them in a way that is healthy.
5. Acceptance: This stage isn’t about being content with the situation but about accepting the reality enough to move forward with purpose. Acceptance here is about grounding yourself in the present, understanding the results, and recognizing your place within it.
While I know that’s what I need, the idea that I would someday be able to “accept” the unacceptable makes me want to throw up. That’s why they are stages that look a lot more like a ball of tangled yarn than a straight line..
You can’t will your way to the end.
This is not passive acceptance as if we’re expected to be happy about it. It’s about reaching an acknowledgment of reality.
In an election that was built on a total rejection of reality, accepting reality might be our only antidote. This kind of acceptance allows us to recognize what is, even if it isn't what we hoped for, and equips us to respond with resilience and purpose rather than resignation.
From this place, we can start to think constructively about how to make a difference.
What stage are you on?
I’m in no place to look for acceptance.
I need more time.
If that’s you, that’s ok.
Take your time.
In Prophetic Lament, Soong-Chan Rah describes lament as an essential, honest expression of sorrow and pain before God, a practice deeply rooted in the Bible, especially in the book of Lamentations. He argues that lament is not merely about personal sorrow; it’s a communal act that acknowledges injustice and brokenness in the world. How appropriate this is today! It’s not about how I feel, but how we feel together.
In his words, “Lament in the Bible is a liturgical response to the reality of suffering and engages God in the context of pain and suffering… Lament recognizes the struggles of life and cries out for justice against existing injustices” (Prophetic Lament, p. 45). This form of prayer allows us to bring our grief and frustrations to God, creating a space for honest dialogue about the world’s suffering and our role in addressing it.
Yes, we have a role in addressing it—when we’re ready.
Here are a few more ideas for moving towards acceptance, so we can bring about change together. There’s nothing original here, but I hope they serve as a helpful reminder, like they have for me.
Stay Informed but Set Boundaries
In times of uncertainty, it’s natural to want to stay informed about the latest news and developments. However, it’s equally important to set boundaries to protect your mental health. Constantly reading distressing news can lead to anxiety and burnout. Try limiting how often you check the news each day and avoid social media if it’s triggering more fear than hope.
Consider curating sources that offer reliable, balanced information and that uplift positive stories of resilience, justice, and hope. Knowing when to step back and take a breather doesn’t mean you’re disengaged; it means you’re choosing a sustainable way to stay informed while taking care of yourself.
I recently gave a talk on this, alongside my friend, Jesse, a licensed Social Worker. In this talk, I share some sobering truth about the pervasiveness of news and how it impacts our mental health and we offer some healthy practices to try. You can listen to that talk here.
Focus on What You Can Control
In times like these, it’s easy to feel powerless. However, focusing on things you can control can help restore a sense of agency. Take small steps that align with your values and contribute to the causes you care about. Whether it’s donating to organizations, volunteering, or supporting a local initiative, every action counts.
If you’re in a position to help others, consider supporting vulnerable individuals in your community. As our friend Fred Rogers once said,
When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping'
Be a helper. Offer a safe space, be an advocate, and be a reliable source of encouragement. Empowering others and being there for people who need you most can foster a shared sense of resilience and hope.
Here is a prayer that has helped many people reconcile what they can and cannot do in tough situations:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Embrace Community and Connection
When things are heavy, there is strength in the community. Being part of a supportive community doesn’t just lift you up; it can also help you realize that you are not in this alone. A strong community can provide encouragement, resources, and shared experiences that reinforce resilience.
I’m so grateful for our community at Cityview Church. To help us process the election, we created an online group with live chat. There wasn’t a lot of activity, but the few posts that came through were encouraging and filled with hope and wisdom, and it helped me not feel alone. If you’re looking for a place to make a difference and feel connected, you’re always welcome.
You might also consider connecting with advocacy organizations or groups that support LGBTQ+ rights, immigration, Black Lives Matter, or women’s rights. Joining these communities not only offers solidarity but can also open avenues to actively participate in efforts to bring about positive change. Even small, consistent efforts as part of a community can have lasting effects.
Advocate for Change in Your Sphere of Influence
Not everyone can be on the front lines of advocacy, but everyone has a sphere of influence—whether it’s your family, friends, workplace, or community. Start conversations, share resources, and use your voice to promote understanding, empathy, and justice within these spaces. Sometimes, the most impactful change happens close to home, where you can create meaningful dialogue and advocate for inclusivity and acceptance.
Even small actions like reaching out to a family member, hosting a community discussion, or participating in local organizations can have ripple effects. Creating a more just and accepting world begins with conversations, actions, and changes in the spaces where we have influence.
Moving Forward with Purpose
The path ahead may feel daunting, but hope and purpose can be found in community, self-care, and small acts of courage and kindness. Each day, you have the chance to show up for yourself, your community, and the values you hold dear. Together, we can navigate these times with resilience, standing up for what matters and working to create a more inclusive, compassionate world.
You are not alone. We’re in this together.
Take heart. The journey toward justice and equality continues, and you are part of it. We can’t give up.